6.30.2006

'Bah! You Kids Today & Your Rock und Roll!'


'Vhen I vas a Nazi youth, ve didn't have none of your modern "electrical gueetars" und "tam-bore-eens"! Ve had eunuchs und they screamed UND VE LOVED IT!'

Pope Starts the Chant - Stop the Pop

from Sydney Morning Herald

Pope Benedict has called for an end to electric guitars and modern music being played in church and has demanded a return to traditional choirs and Gregorian chants.

The Catholic Church has been experimenting with new ways of celebrating the Mass to try to attract more people.

The recital of the Mass set to guitars has grown in popularity in Italy. In Spain, the Mass has been set to flamenco music. And in the United States, the Electric Prunes produced a "psychedelic" album called Mass in F Minor.

However, the use of guitars and tambourines has annoyed Pope Benedict, who has a love of classical music.

"It is possible to modernise holy music," the Pope said at a concert conducted by Domenico Bartolucci, the director of music for the Sistine Chapel.

"But it should not happen outside the traditional path of Gregorian chants or sacred polyphonic choral music."

The shift to more traditional forms of music comes as Australian bishops have voted in principle to accept a new English translation of the Mass that the Vatican favours as being more faithful to the original Latin text.

The argument about music is part of a wider debate over whether to return to a Latin Mass. If Latin Masses are not reintroduced into common practice, few Catholics will know the words to the Latin Gregorian chants that the Pope advocates.

The Latin Mass was restricted in the Vatican II reforms of the 1960s, on the grounds that it was deterring worshippers from going to Church.

Pope Benedict's conservatism is becoming more apparent, a year after his election.

Crashing Soon Through a Denny's Diner Near You


No German car for Pope Benedict XVI as the Catholic church leader received a new Volvo XC90 that has been custom tailored for his personal use. During a June 28 ceremony at the Vatican, the Pope was presented with the keys to the SUV. The V8 version vehicle is dark blue with a light interior and Volvo officials say the car, like every Volvo XC90, is designed for safety with features like ROPS (rollover protection system).

Shut Yer Pope Hole, Old Man!

The Pope Is Cold Hatin' on Science

from Sploid

God's Rottweiler is taking yet another bite out of science with the announcement that any scientist who engages in stem cell research of any kind will be excommunicated. The same goes for any politician who votes in favor of legislation permitting such research to take place.

"
Destroying human embryos is equivalent to an abortion. It is the same thing," said Cardinal Alfonso Lopez Trujillo, head of the Pontifical Council for the Family.

"Excommunication will be applied to the women, doctors and researchers who eliminate embryos [and to the] politicians that approve the law," he said in an interview with Famiglia Christiana, an official Vatican magazine.

ExcommunicationW-Why aren't they obeying?! I'm the fucking POPE, Goddammit! - "
exclusion from the communion" - is like having your decoder ring taken away, you don't get to take part in any more of the church's magic.

And you get to sleep in on Sundays.

Professor Cesare Galli, of the Laboratory of Reproductive Technologies in Cremona, was the first scientist to clone a horse. He's at the top of the Vatican's hit list and he doesn't care.

"I can bear excommunication. I was raised as a Catholic, I share Catholic values, but I am able to make my own judgment on some issues and I do not need to be told by the Church what to do or to think.

"I will be, together with Elena Cattaneo [a scientist working in the University of Milan] the first to be affected by the excommunication and then there are two other labs that I know using imported embryonic stem cells."

Even members of bizarre Catholic cult Opus Dei - one of the Pope's favorites - think Ratzi's edict is ridiculous.

"I am upset and stunned," said Paola Binetti, an Italian senator and Opus Dei member. "It is a mistake to give out the idea that God is angry with Man because he is not in agreement with him."

Pope Benedict XVI has repeatedly made clear
his fear of the black arts that we call "science." During his Good Friday sermon this spring he warned of the dangers of progress.

"
Lord Jesus, open our eyes: Let us see the filth around us and recognize it for what it is, so that a single tear of sorrow can restore us to purity of heart and the breath of true freedom," he wailed.

Though Ratzi's predecessor, J.P., made
his stance against capital punishment clear, there's no word yet if the butchers who practice or vote in favor of that barbaric act will be similarly kicked out of the gang.

6.29.2006

How Many Lightbulbs Does It Take To Screw In a Muslim?

Just One, Praise Allah!

Lightbulb-ectomy

from Sploid

Most prisoners make a habit of sleeping on their backs. It's a matter of personal safety, who knows what will end up inside you. One man in Pakistan recently learned that lesson the hard. Luckily, doctors were able to remove the lightbulb from his ass without breaking it.

"Thanks Allah, now I feel comfort. Today, I had my breakfast. I was just drinking water, nothing else," said Fateh Mohammad.

Instead of thanking Allah, maybe Mohammad should be asking him who put the lightbulb up his ass.

"I don't know who did this to me. Police or other prisoners," the 40-year-old man claims.

Mohammad is doing time for making moonshine in violation of Muslim law. He says he was a surprised as anybody when he learned what was wrong.

"When I woke up I felt a pain in my lower abdomen, but later in hospital, they told me this," Mohammad said.

"We had to take it out intact," said Dr. Farrukh Aftab at Nishtar Hospital. "Had it been broken inside, it would be a very very complicated situation."

Despite Mohammad's pleas of ignorance, doctors are having a hard time believing his claim that somebody drugged him and screwed in the lightbulb.

Finally an Amish Story!

Suitably Bland & Uninteresting...

Amish Milk Sting!

from Sploid

It's a scene right out of Prohibition: a stranger comes knocking, asking for a refill of his plastic jug. A wary vendor agrees to fill it up. As the tap is turned and the contraband flows, the stranger pulls two bills out of his wallet ... and then his badge.

Amish man Arlie Stutzman now finds himself fighting the state of Ohio for the right to sell raw milk. He says laws banning its sale - the likes of which exist in 25 states - violate his religious freedom by restricting his ability to share with those in his community.

"While I can and I have food, I'll share it," said Stutzman, who is headed to court on Friday to make his case before a judge. "Do unto others what you would have others do unto you."

Someone in the state's bureaucracy somehow got word of Stutzman's 250-gallon tank of black market milk. Who ratted him out is anybody's guess; officials say it was an "anonymous neighbor." In September, authorities sent an undercover agent from the Ohio Department of Agriculture to make a buy.

By February, the state had revoked Stutzman's license to sell milk because he had sold milk in an unlabeled container. In April, he was again given a license, but received a warning not to sell raw milk to people.

"You can't just give milk away to someone other then yourself. It's a violation of the law," said LeeAnne Mizer, spokeswoman for the department.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration and the American Dairy Association both claim that raw milk is too dangerous. They argue that without heating, milk may be teeming with bacteria, like E. coli. How it is measurably different from selling raw beef is unclear.

Others contend that raw milk is far healthier than the pasteurized stuff you get at your local market. The Weston A. Price Foundation says raw milk is far more nutritious and contains beneficial bacteria.

Now regulators are calling on Judge Thomas D. White to lean hard on the humble dairy man, ordering him to stop selling raw milk. Stutzman, like his Amish brothers and sisters, prefers not to deal with outsiders, but he refuses to be bullied by the man.

"He's going to do what he thinks is the right thing," said his attorney, Gary Cox.

6.27.2006

Crucifuck! You! Gus

There's No Way I'm Saving That Guy

by Jesus Christ in The Onion

All right. I realize I am supposed to be all-merciful, universally loving, the Light and the Way and everything, but even a divine avatar of the Supreme Being's loving grace has His limits. I know I've said many times that there is always room for one more — even the lowliest — at the table of the Lord, but even so, there is just no freaking way I'm redeeming this S.O.B.

I don't want to name names, but his initials are Gus Feigert, owner-operator of Feigert Automotive down on Seybold Road, by the gas station. There, I said it. And you know what? I don't care. I'm glad I said his name. If he's going to suffer damnation for all eternity — which, I assure you, he most certainly is — then I don't see how much more damage revealing his identity during his brief time on Earth is going to cause the bastard in the long run.

The guy is a jerk.

First of all, he overcharges everyone who sets foot in his shop. That's a given. I'm omniscient, I see what's going on. He completely doctors the books and hasn't filed a legit tax return since he opened that damn place. Plus, he's a tyrant to his employees, slaps waitresses on the ass, and he cheats at cards. Come on. And then, after being a complete boner all week, he still shows up at church every Sunday like clockwork, with that stupid yellow tie he always wears, all smug-looking with that phony-ass grin on his face, and bows his head to "humbly" ask My forgiveness.

Well, not anymore!

He just has this way of getting under My skin, and I have had about enough of it. For years now he's been pulling this crap, and what do I do? I keep forgiving the ungrateful bastard, every Sunday, like some kind of chump. But does it make any difference? No sir. Come Monday morning he's back to his old tricks.

Find a new Messianic redeemer, Gus F&#khead Feigert, because I'm not taking your shit anymore. Ask the Holy Ghost for help next time, or maybe try intercessionary prayer to My mom. Maybe she'll listen to you. But not Me.

Don't get Me wrong. I'm extremely forgiving — to a fault, maybe. I've absolved some of the worst people you can imagine. We've got thieves, adulterers, murderers, even Romans sent to persecute my followers out the wazoo up here. In fact, if you ask Biblical scholars or learned clergy, they'll go so far as to tell you My capacity for forgiveness is infinite. Well, that's usually true. But not with this a-hole.

Yeah, I know I'm supposed to forgive everybody, and all can find refuge in Me blah blah blah. Fine. Fair enough. But not that prick. No f'ing way.

I don't have to tell you that I was sent down to Earth by God Almighty the Father in Heaven for a reason. I know that. Forgiving people is kind of My whole thing. So as long as someone comes to Me in full and honest supplication and asks Me to be their personal Savior, I'm pretty much obligated to do it. But come on, this guy? I have suffered on the cross and died for the sins of humanity, but I sure as hell didn't die for the sins of that ball-buster Gus Feigert, nor was I sent down to this Earth to suffer the agonies of the Passion just to be that obnoxious know-it-all's personal doormat.

He can go rot in Hell for all I care.

Then That Makes Me, Like, the Hitler of Cats!



Thanks to Cay for the link.

6.26.2006

Nun on the Run!

Odds Are 10-to-1 She Gets Caught

Warrant Issued for Omaha Nun

from KPTM

Omaha police are on the hunt for a Catholic nun.

Police issued an arrest warrant for Sister Barbara Markey. She was fired as director of the Omaha Archdiocese Family Life Office in January.

Police say she embezzled more than $300,000 and spent it on casinos and other expenditures.

Markey is facing a charge of theft by deception. That is a felony.


Late for Bingo...

Who Do You Blame When Nothing's Your Fault?

Pol Blames Satan for Crap Luck

from Sploid

John Jacob, a Congressional candidate from Utah, said Thursday that Satan was trying to keep him out of office.

It seems the
old deluder has kept Jacob from investing as much money as he'd like into his campaign, and has caused a series of recent business-related mishaps.

"You know, you plan, you organize, you put your budget together and when you have 10 things fall through, not just one, there's some other, something else that is happening," he told the Salt Lake Tribune.

"There's another force that wants to keep us from going to Washington, D.C. It's the devil is what it is. I don't want you to print that, but it feels like that's what it is," he said, apparently unaware that pleas for secrecy are like catnip to journalists.

He first brought up the Satan-as-campaign-foe theme on Wednesday, at an immigration rally, and then reiterated it in a meeting with the Salt Lake Tribune editorial staff on Thursday.

"I don't know who else it would be if it wasn't him," he said. "Now when that gets out in the paper, I'm going to be one of the screw-loose people."

This is
exactly what came to pass, because Satan deemed it so.

By Friday, Jacob was backtracking - sort of.

"What I was trying to say, and obviously didn't do it very well, is that over the last eight months
I've had more adversity in my life than I've had in the last 10 years," he said.

This adversity includes business deals gone sour, allegations that he
aided illegal immigrants, and revelations that the devout Mormon used to gamble. But what others might call a run of bad luck, or even an accountability moment, was, for this charming wingnut, Lucifer.

Jacob is a political neophyte attempting to unseat fellow Republican Chris Cannon, a five-term Congressman. And, in a state crawling with religious types, all the talk about Satan might actually help.

"The people he would alienate probably wouldn't vote for him anyway,"
said David Gutterman, a political science professor at Linfield College in Oregon. "The people he's going to attract are shoring up a base that probably shares his religious views."

And indeed, a poll released today suggests Jacob might very well triumph in the 3rd Congressional District race.

"Jacob has a pretty good shot at pulling this off,"
said Brad Coker, managing director for Mason-Dixon Polling & Research. "It's never easy to beat an incumbent, but he is in a very good position."

Looks Like It's Porridge & Water for the Messiah Part Deux...

Baby Jesus' Insurance Cancelled!

from Sploid

Raising a child as a single parent can pose serious financial challenges. Fearing that they wouldn't be able to cover the expense of immaculate pregnancy, three sisters in Scotland took out insurance in the event they were so blessed. It was with heavy hearts that they heard their policies had been cancelled.

Simon Burgess, managing director of Britishinsurance.com, delivered the news last week.

"Three women, all Christian sisters who live in Inverness, came to me in the year 2000 and asked me to insure them in case they immaculately conceived the second coming of Christ," Burgess announced. "They have renewed the policy of £100 each year since 2000 and would get a payout of £1million if they had an immaculate conception."

The move came after protest from Catholics who considered such thoughtful financial planning to be in poor taste.

"Our company used to specialize in weird and wonderful policies, and this was one of them...The Catholic Church was not happy about what we've been doing," according to Burgess.

The women weren't trying to profit from their faith. They just wanted a Second Coming fit for a King.

"They say if Christ came again they want to give him a lifestyle commensurate with his status and the money would pay for that."


'I wonder what it taaaastes like?' 'Bite it aaaand see!' 'Dibs on the genitaaaaals!'

6.24.2006

Jesus (Hearts) Scabs


Blessed are the blistered.

Hindu Gods (Heart) Getting Fingered


So many Hindu gods, so few fingers.

6.22.2006

Bend It Like Brahma


Hindu ascetics play soccer on the banks of the River Ganges in Allahabad, India, Wednesday, June 21, 2006. (AP Photo/Rajesh Kumar Singh)

One Religion's Reincarnated Deity Is Another Religion's Monzo, Amazing Monkey-Man Sideshow Freak


Indians Tail Monkey Man in Search of Healing Powers

from Financial Express

KOLKATA, India: Thousands of people are flocking to an impoverished village in West Bengal to worship a man they believe possesses divine powers because he climbs up trees in seconds, gobbles up bananas and has a "tail."

Devotees say 27-year-old villager Chandre Oraon is an incarnation of the Hindu god Hanuman - worshipped by millions as a symbol of physical strength, perseverance and devotion.

"He climbs up trees, behaves like a monkey and is a strict vegetarian, but he is no god and his condition is just a congenital defect," says Bhushan Chakraborty, the local medical officer.

Tucked away in a hamlet in Banarhat, over 650 km north of Kolkata, devotees wait for hours to see or touch Oraon's 13-inch tail, believing that it has healing powers.

Doctors said the 'tail' - made up of some flesh but mostly of dark hair - was simply a rare physical attribute.

6.18.2006

Messiah of Steel

Jesus Is Gay!

from Sploid

Christians made the shocking announcement this week that the homosexual Superman in the new summer blockbuster movie is actually Jesus Christ.

"It is so on the nose that anyone who has not caught on that Superman is a Christ figure, you think, 'Who else could it be referring to?'" asked author Steve Skelton, the Christian author of "The Gospel According to the
World's Greatest Superhero."

Skelton told the Associated Press that Superman is obviously based on the biblical story of Jesus. That would seem to conflict with
widespread reports that the new Superman is, in fact, a gay man in New York.

While the astonishing claim by Christians that their savior is a homosexual may at first seem outlandish, it may also explain
Christian hostility to The Da Vinci Code movie, in which Jesus is portrayed as a heterosexual who fathers children with his disciple Mary Magdalene.

"The allusion to Jesus Christ could hardly be accidental," Christian blogger Tom Gilson wrote, according to AP.

And another blogger asked, "Is this a new Superman for the new Evangelist red state America?
Superman as Jesus?"

Both Christians and homosexuals seem certain that the new Superman is one of them.

Gays note the new Superman's traditional gay
mannerisms and lifestyle, his "Muscle Mary" gym-crafted physique and his "bold queer spirit."

Christians point out that Superman is the
only son of a soon-to-be-killed space monster and gets sent in a UFO to the planet Earth, where he grows up in the Midwest and later works for a big-city newspaper while secretly saving people from various super-criminals - much like Jesus in the New Testament.

Could both groups be correct?

The original Gospel According to Mark originally contained a passage that describes the
religion of Jesus as a homosexual mystery cult - such mystery religions were popular in the Greek-dominated culture of the Middle East.

An ancient letter from Clement of Alexandria praises an underling for "silencing the unspeakable teachings" of "
Secret Mark," specifically the line about "naked man with naked man."

Thought to have been written late in the first century A.D., Mark is the oldest known gospel and the only one that makes no claim of a resurrection. (Original versions
simply end at 16:8 with two Marys frightened by their discovery that Jesus' corpse had been moved.) Several holes in the story were filled in by the discovery of a "secret" version of Mark that the church successfully suppressed until letters and fragments were found.

The "gaydar" of biblical scholars was set off by this passage in particular:

"And going out of the tomb they came into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days Jesus told him what to do and in the evening the youth comes to him, wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God."

While born-again Christians are often hostile to homosexuals and vocally complain about gay entertainment, there are signs that gay culture has merged with Christian culture - most disturbingly in the "Lord's Gym" chain of heartland athletic clubs.

The
popular logo for the gym shows a "muscle man" Jesus grunting on the floor with a "cross" figure apparently sodomizing Him. The chain's website plays a slinky disco instrumental track with a rave-style light show around the sweaty Jesus figure.

The message is clear: Big-city health-club scenes have found a home in "straight" America by merging with the popular
born-again Christian movement.

Allah vs...Piglet?! Muslims Need To Get a Life

Turkey's War on Pooh

from Sploid

With tensions still high following this past winter's absurd cartoon riots, authorities in Turkey are going to extreme lengths to protect their countrymen from filthy cartoon pigs.

Though allegedly secular, the Turkish government's Islamic roots are impossible to ignore. In the latest effort to maintain the highest level of Muslim purity, the people in charge of the local TRT public television network have decided not to air "Winnie the Pooh" cartoon series.

What could possibly be so offensive about a cartoon so beloved by kids in the West? Is it Christopher Robin's sex change? No. All the nudity? No. It's the presence of Pooh's dear friend Piglet.

Muslims regard the pig as a filthy animal unfit for consumption. Apparently that ban now extends to visual consumption. Authorities initially considered simply airing Winnie the Pooh with Piglet's scenes cut out, but the unclean beast was too great a presence in Pooh's life.

Even though Pooh and Piglet are regularly seen on other TV stations in Turkey and their videos are easily available, the government refused to be party to the porcine smut peddling.

Employees at TRT have been complaining that the government has been exercising more and more control over the station's airwaves.

6.16.2006

Fox News Anchor vs. Anti-Gay Baptist She-Monster: 'You Are the Devil, Miss! If You Believe in the Bible, You're Going to Hell!'



Thanks to Clayton for the link.

6.08.2006

I Predict Ungodly Therapy Bills

Born On 6/6/06: Damien

from Sky News

ENGLAND - A baby born on the 6/6/06 - and weighing 6lb 6oz - has been named Damien after horror film The Omen.

Proud mum Suzanne Cooper said she was hoping to give birth on June 6 so she could name her son after the infamous young Antichrist in the cult 1976 film.

Not only was the baby born on the apocalyptic day, but he was born six days after his mother was induced.

"The Omen is one of our favourite films and that's why I was keeping my legs crossed for a birth on the 6th," Suzanne, 36, told The Sun.

"It does seem a bit weird but he's a perfect baby - nothing at all like Damien in The Omen."

Husband Michael, 35, of Cleveland, Somerset, said: "It took a bit of persuasion for Suzanne to call him Damien but it seems fitting considering the date."

A remake of The Omen was released on Tuesday. The film, often voted the scariest movie ever, tells the story a young boy who embarks on mission to destroy the world. He has the birthmark '666' - the number of The Beast - on his scalp.

6.07.2006

God Smites Christians
Christians Say, 'Thanks!'
God Mutters, 'Dumbasses!'

God Fires Warning Shot

from Sploid

Despite studies that prove God's contempt for prayer, people insist on dropping to their knees. When he isn't too busy with other things, the Lord isn't above striking down those that pray.

Clara Jean Brown had been left home alone this past weekend when a powerful storm rolled over her Daphne, Alabama home. Her husband had gone to the store, her son and his family were at the beach.

Unable to do anything useful for her family, Brown decided to say a prayer for their safe return.

"I said, 'Amen,' and the room was engulfed in a huge ball of fire," she said. "I was just standing there when a huge ball of fire engulfed this whole room. I don't remember much after that."

Brown passed out on the floor among exploded chunks of concrete. That's where her 14-year-old granddaughter found her upon coming home from the beach.

Fire officials told James Brown, Clara's husband, that the bolt appeared to have come from across the street and in through a waterline. The bolt tore up the kitchen floor - ruining the brownies on the stove top - and continued to the backyard where it ripped up a small trench.

Even though the Lord nearly killed her by his own hand, Brown didn't seem to get the message.

"I'm blessed. That's the good news," she said.


Claremont Church Burns Down; Firefighter Injured

from The Associated Press

CLAREMONT, Minn. - A fire that started with a lightning bolt destroyed a church in this small town Tuesday, and a firefighter who battled the blaze was seriously injured.

Around 2 a.m., fire crews from several towns responded to a call that St. John's Lutheran Church was on fire.

Pastor Keith Meyer, who placed the call, said he saw the steeple set ablaze by a lightning strike during a thunder storm. "I watched it the whole time. It was fully engulfed in less than an hour," he said.

Claremont firefighter Gale Spatenka, while trying to save some stained glass windows, was injured after a wall on the south side of the church collapsed on him. He was taken by helicopter to St. Marys Hospital in Rochester, where he remained in critical condition Tuesday night.

The state Fire Marshal's office confirmed the cause of the fire was a lightning strike.

"I can't believe it," said Claremont resident Rhonda Johnson, a member of the church for 43 years. "We're just devastated, but I'm very optimistic about rebuilding."

Regardless of the size of the loss, Meyer said, "We plan to rebuild. We're staying here."

Has Mommy's Eyes & Daddy's Horns

06/06/06 Baby Weighs 6.66 Pounds

from Sploid

A Better luck next spawn.child born in Chattanooga, Tennessee, on June 6 - otherwise known as 06/06/06 - weighed exactly 6.66 pounds at birth.

Many expectant moms were horrified at the prospect of giving birth on the alleged Day of the Beast, and some even had labor induced early to make sure their spawn did not carry the birthday of the Evil One.

But the mom of little Jimmy Lee laughed in the face of the Dark Lord and gladly gave birth to her own little Omen, who horrified nurses when he topped the scales at exactly 6.66 pounds.

According to NBC 5, nurses at the hospital claim Jimmy Lee was hardly the only baby born on that reportedly wretched day with a June 6, 2006, birthday.

Little Jimmy will probably not be under demonic influence, however, because the actual number of the beast in the bible's Book of Revelation is actually 616, not 666.

Who Would Jesus Shoot?

That's Right, Children...But Only Retarded Ones...And Only in the Back...

Mentally Disabled Kid Shot in Back by Pastor

from Sploid

Enraged by a neighborhood kid knocking on his door, a Des Moines pastor unleashed some swift and furious vengeance upon the boy's backside. Now the pastor's going to have to watch his own backside for about two years.

On Monday afternoon Steve Carlson noticed to dark spots on his mentally disabled son's underwear. He didn't think much of it. But as 14-year-old Dillon Carlson was finished taking his bath that night, his parents noticed matching wounds on Dillon's backside.

"The man who did this must be a sick individual and I hope he will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law," said Carlson.

The man in question was none other than local pastor David L. Reasby, according to Sgt. Todd Dykstra of the Des Moines police department.

"Mr. Reasby was awoken, came to the door and told the individual to stop knocking on the door. The individual later on, knocked on the door again, at which time Mr. Reasby shot him twice in the back with a BB gun," said Dykstra.

Reasby, 51, is the pastor at of Lighthouse Full Gospel Baptist Church. He shares his home with the day care where Dillon is a student. Cops are now investigating the school.

Back in 1997, while working as a reserve police officer, Reasby was credited with helping clear a local park of drug dealers. His career in crime fighting ended in two years ago after he was picked up on assault and forgery charges.

Reasby has been arrested and is facing charges assault with a weapon. He could be looking at two years in prison and a $5,000 fine.

6.04.2006

If I Get In, They Need a Better Door Policy

...And More Porn

Is Hell the Place for You?
created with QuizFarm.com

4. What ever happens happens. Yes!
7. Life is the only thing that matters. Yes!
12. You like to hurt people. No!

You scored as Heaven.



You're going to Heaven, which is not all that fun!

Nowhere

40%

Heaven

40%

HELL Rocks

10%