Tammy Faye Theater Presents:
'Highway to Hell: The Mary Winkler Mystery'
Your Host, Miss Tammy Faye Bakker: MESSNER, Goddammit! How many times do I have to tel-Your Host, Miss Tammy Faye Messner: Helllooooo, viewers! I'm pleased as punch that you've joined us once again for another sordid tale of preacher wives gone bad here on public access Channel 91. You might notice a few changes in our little show. First, our timeslot. Thanks to the success of some godawful show called Manny Pets His Monkey, which sounds like it violates one or two of God's laws, we've been pushed to 2:12am. Oh, I'm looking into that Manny, believe you me. Secondly, as some of our loyal viewers have noticed (I got your letter - bless your heart), we've been off the air since our last two episodes. You might have read in the tabloids that I "stormed off the show" in a "drunken haze" and then "demanded mass firings." All lies! Lies lies lies! A] I do not "storm off shows" - that's for those Shannon Dougherties or whatever the Hell her name is. I'm a lady, thank you - I "make an exit." B] I was not "drunk." Not exactly. And C] I have a new crew! My previous stage manager whose-name-will-not-be-mentioned-in-my-presence has left our little family and took all those unwashed cameramen with him. I wish them well in their future endeavors blah blah blah. Now I have Morty - say hello, Morty ('Howdy') - and a new camera crew that hardly smell at all! And unlike that bastard Jack, Morty has vowed, as God is his witness, to count me down before we go live each show so I'm not caught off-gua-what, Morty? Buddhist?! Who said you could be a Buddhist?! You don't even look Oriental! Oh dear! SOMEONE CHECK ON MY GINGER! I know what you Orientals do with dogs! She could be a stew by now! And who authorized hiring heathens?! Get my agent on the phone! I feel a dramatic exit coming on. Ooh, speaking of exits, that brings us to today's show - ripped from the headlines! The whole country is asking: Where is Mary Winkler? Is she on the lam, gun still smoking, her preacher husband's blood drying in her hair, cackling madly? Or is she captive to the real killers, some devil cult, forced to perform sex acts on strapping young satanic teenage boys with big meaty p-ooh, goodness! Morty, can we turn up the A/C? We may never know the truth about this terrible event, or we may know any minute! So before we do, let's watch today's dramatic reenactment starring Mindy Cohn, who I found rummaging through my trash this morning for empty pop cans, bless her heart, and who, in exchange for me dropping the charges, has agreed to appear in today's episode. Nat's big comeback! So without further ado, Mindy Cohn as Mary Winkler in the Tammy Faye Theater presentation of "Highway to Hell: The Mary Winkler Mystery"!
Tenn. Pastor Found Killed, Family Missing
from The Associated Press
SELMER, Tenn. - A church minister was found shot to death in his parsonage, and authorities were searching for his missing wife and three young daughters Thursday.
"We're just really puzzled," Selmer Police Chief Neal Burks said Thursday. "We're concerned about the safety of the children, also."
Church members went searching for pastor Matthew Winkler late Wednesday when he didn't show up for an evening service at Fourth Street Church of Christ, Burks said. He said they used a key to enter the parsonage and found him dead in a bedroom.
Winkler, 31, had been shot, and his family was gone, Burks said.
The chief declined to say if Winkler's wife was considered a suspect. Investigators also weren't sure if she had the children or if any outsiders were involved in shooting and disappearance, he said.
According to Tennessee Bureau of Investigation spokeswoman Jennifer Johnson, there were no signs of forced entry at the parsonage.
The bureau issued an Amber Alert early Thursday for the couple's daughters, Breanna, 1, Mary Alice, 6, and Patricia, 8. The alert said the girls may be with their mother, Mary Winkler.
Mary Winkler was last seen late Tuesday afternoon picking up the children from school, said Ed Jones, TBI assistant director. Burks said she worked as a substitute teacher at the elementary school.
"They were a nice family," said former Selmer Mayor Jimmy Whittington, who said he worked with the pastor collecting donations for hurricane victims last year. "They just blended in."