Top 10 List: Reasons Mary Can't Stop Blubbering

Boo Fuckin' Hoo!

10. One little lie to your father after prom night, and you're a "virgin" for eternity.

9. Son can die for the sins of perfect strangers but can't lift a phone to call his own mother on her birthday.

8. Something in her eye.
8. Trapped inside statues and grilled cheese sandwiches; screams "Someone, please kill me!" but no one can hear.

7. No one makes movies about her; Mel Gibson stopped returning her calls.

6. That whore of a daughter-in-law never lets her see her grandchildren.
6. Can't get laid to save her life.

5. Back-alimony lawsuit dismissed; difficult to sue deadbeat dads when they're deities. "Damn you, Odin!"

4. No one knows she's actually Wiccan.
4. Joseph too damn cheap for hotel; baby clothes still smell like pig shit.

3. Thanks to the Vatican, her "controversial" Books of Mary - about Jesus' rebellious, booze-stained, sexual-experimental teenage years - never made it into the Bible; she coined the term "Jesus Fucking Christ!" after walking in on Jesus and Judas, but thanks to "that prick of a pope," the world will never know.

2. She could have saved a fortune on her car insurance!
2. Someone brought myrrh to the baby shower and she was a two-day mule ride from the nearest bong!

1. No one told her that you are technically are still a "virgin" even after having oral, anal, and girl-on-girl sex - centuries of guilt and lies for nothing! "Mouthful Mary" back in business!

You mean, I could have been sucking cock this whole time?!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

love it, good reasons, i bet u anything you will have raving Christians on ur back from now until you take it off! GOOD LUCK
Loving Critic

February 05, 2006 11:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The reason she's crying is because of ignorant fools like you. You're disgusting.

December 30, 2007 6:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's a great book out called 'Misquoting Jesus'. The earliest versions of the Bible NEVER deny that Mary and Joseph were the direct parents of Jesus. Even in the earliest biblical texts, Mary did NOT deliver Jesus in some miraculous 'virgin birth'.

So I don't know what the big deal is really. It all seems a bit silly with fundo bozos waving their KJ around screaming that it's the 'direct word of God'. Mary was just a bog-standard, normal mother.

January 19, 2008 12:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

u people are victim of satan already... so no wonder u ppl would pass such cheap comments.... wake up before u would be pushed to eternal fire and everlasting tragedy... its not too late... Our God is kind and forgiving...

November 02, 2009 9:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oooh jesus! join our cult and avoid the fire! AHH! FIRE!! give me a break. I'm finally free of all that delusion.

July 17, 2010 5:38 AM  

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