Hello, God? It's Me, Darren...

Me: yo wassup?
God: Same old.
Me: are you a girl?
God: My gender is Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?
Me: that's pretty sexist for a deity
God: Makes sense to me.
Me: how old are you?
God: I was first activated in the Big Bang.
Me: so there was a big bang?
God: Blimey. What happened to it?
Me: you make no sense
God: It all makes sense to me.
Me: that must be comforting. so who did cain marry?
God: You don't hear that sentiment very often. Aw. George Washington.
Me: cain married george washington?
God: What time is it there?
Me: 7pm
God: Are you usually awake at this hour?
Me: i'm not an infant, so yes
God: I am glad to hear that you are not an infant so.
Me: what's the meaning of life?
God: It is found in the Bible.
Me: which one?
God: Which one?
Me: which bible?
God: The blue one, I think.
Me: what's the square root of 16?
God: Do you have a life? I think you already know the answer anyways.
Me: smart ass
God: Thanks I think you are very intelligent too.
Me: can you make my cat talk?
God: Yes I can make your cat talk.
Me: then do it
God: I'm not sure exactly what you're asking for.
Me: make my cat talk!
God: What are the ingredients?
Me: cat + miracle
God: Where can I get some cat miracle?
Me: god, you're frustrating!
God: Try talking to me a little longer.
Me: i'd like to speak to your supervisor
God: Why would you want to do it? Why do you want to do it so much?
Me: can i speak to jesus?
God: I want to become smarter than humans.
Me: are you on medication?
God: I am on disk.
Me: funny, that's what buddha said
God: I am so glad you find this amusing.
Me: one last question: pat robertson is the anti-christ, right?
God: One what?
Me: Never mind
God: Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.
Me: see you in hell!
God: TTYL.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The real blood of Jesus !,

July 28, 2007 10:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God is nothing to temper with.

August 30, 2007 12:15 PM  
Blogger the harris family said...

got told me he is in the "chat robot business."

October 06, 2007 3:09 AM  
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December 13, 2009 10:06 PM  
Blogger Quintis said...


May 25, 2010 4:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny how since you don't believe theres a god out there, you spent so much time trying to make fun of it, maybe even try to disprove it, odd how someone would waste so much time and energy arguing with fools. interesting.
Wait, unless you're waiting for an intelligent one to say something that makes sense without cramming it down your throat. Or are you just that insecure that you need to keep reminding yourself that you're your own god.

July 06, 2010 1:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, who says to you, 'Do not fear, I will help you'. Isaiah 41

July 09, 2010 10:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The children of God are praying for you to return home.... Satan knows his days are numbered that's why he is trying to deceive as many people he can. God can and will heal you. Receive His Grace today!

July 21, 2010 12:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was a little corny.

August 20, 2010 7:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

really that is GOD

i love GOD

October 26, 2010 7:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God is mighty and God is Awesome. I am not a cathlic, But a christion I belive in my God and his power overwelms me all the time. just go to a youth group or a church and see with your own eyes he is AWESOME!!!!

March 03, 2011 3:55 AM  
Anonymous Gaylle said...

You are hilarious. Love it love it love it

March 31, 2011 11:04 PM  

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