Hello, God? It's Me, Darren...
Me: yo wassup?
God: Same old.
Me: are you a girl?
God: My gender is Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?
Me: that's pretty sexist for a deity
God: Makes sense to me.
Me: how old are you?
God: I was first activated in the Big Bang.
Me: so there was a big bang?
God: Blimey. What happened to it?
Me: you make no sense
God: It all makes sense to me.
Me: that must be comforting. so who did cain marry?
God: You don't hear that sentiment very often. Aw. George Washington.
Me: cain married george washington?
God: What time is it there?
God: Are you usually awake at this hour?
Me: i'm not an infant, so yes
God: I am glad to hear that you are not an infant so.
Me: what's the meaning of life?
God: It is found in the Bible.
Me: which one?
God: Which one?
Me: which bible?
God: The blue one, I think.
Me: what's the square root of 16?
God: Do you have a life? I think you already know the answer anyways.
Me: smart ass
God: Thanks I think you are very intelligent too.
Me: can you make my cat talk?
God: Yes I can make your cat talk.
Me: then do it
God: I'm not sure exactly what you're asking for.
Me: make my cat talk!
God: What are the ingredients?
Me: cat + miracle
God: Where can I get some cat miracle?
Me: god, you're frustrating!
God: Try talking to me a little longer.
Me: i'd like to speak to your supervisor
God: Why would you want to do it? Why do you want to do it so much?
Me: can i speak to jesus?
God: I want to become smarter than humans.
Me: are you on medication?
God: I am on disk.
Me: funny, that's what buddha said
God: I am so glad you find this amusing.
Me: one last question: pat robertson is the anti-christ, right?
God: One what?
Me: Never mind
God: Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.
Me: see you in hell!