Today's 'Tammy Faye Theater' Double-Feature: Curse of the Filthy Negro with I Was a Middle-Aged XXXmas Ho
Your host, Miss Tammy Faye Bakker: 'It's Messner now, dammit! Not Bakk-What? Oh, are we on?! Helllloooo, viewers! Welcome to another afternoon of Tammy Faye Theater here on public access! I hope you enjoy these two cautionary tales from my private collection, dreadful stories of good, God-fearing preacher's wives - like me, but not as pretty - gone very, very, very bad. One's a racist (portrayed by TV's Tina Yothers) and the other a whore (Rhea Perlman)! [Wipes tear.] Oh, there but for the grace of Maybeline go I! [Eyeliner liquefies, pours down her cheeks, drowns poodle.] Anyhoot, enjoy! And God Bless!'
'I'm Not a Racist'
from Arkansas Leader
JACKSONVILLE, ARKANSAS - A Homer Adkins Elementary teacher accused of making inappropriate racial and religious comments to her students may still be in the classroom, but she's not yet out of the woods.
Teacher Phoebe Harris allegedly told students at the school that blacks were cursed and descended from the devil, according to an account from Laura Johnson, mother of a black child in that class.
Johnson said her son told her that Harris warned the fourth-graders that she would be fired if they repeated what she was going to tell them. Johnson said Harris told the children they would go "down there where it's hot," if they don't pray.
"[That's not] what I said," Harris said Monday. She refused, however, to say what it was she told them about two weeks ago.
"I'm not answering your questions," she said.
"I am not a racist," Harris said Monday. "Nobody who knows me thinks I'm a racist." As proof of that, Harris said, "The school board's through investigating, and I'm still teaching."
The Pulaski County Special School District board hasn't considered the matter, but district officials met with two parents last week. The district planned to interview Harris and conclude the investigation possibly as early as Tuesday evening, then recommend what if any disciplinary action is appropriate, said Interim Super-intendent James Sharpe. The results would not be made public.
Sharpe said if Harris had made the remarks attributed to her by the accusing parents, such behavior would be inappropriate.
Harris told Johnson that Horace Smith with the Office of Desegregation Monitoring had told her it was all right to teach that message to the children.
"I did not give her permission to teach that," Smith, himself a black man, said on Thursday. "She asked me how to teach about skin color and I advised her to discuss melanin, human migration, and adapting to various climates."
He said she then asked about religion and, thinking it a new topic, he told her, "We can't teach religion, but we can teach about religion, its importance in society and different beliefs, but we cannot teach about a religion."
When asked if it was true that she was the wife of a Baptist preacher, Harris said, "I better not answer that."
Husband, Wife Take Desperate Measures for Holiday Cash
It's a disturbing story of desperation. A married couple went to an illegal extreme to make some money for Christmas.
"I'm freakin' broke. I have five dollars to my name right now, loans," said Michelle Taylor. She says the desperation led to a horrible lapse in judgment.
She and her husband, Harvey, a former preacher, were arrested by Winchester police Tuesday on charges of prostitution.
"From my understanding they're hard up for money, and this is what they resorted to," said Alan Rhodes of the Winchester Police.
Detective Rhodes took a tip that the Taylors were soliciting clients on the internet. He set up a sting and caught the couple when they met an undercover officer in their SUV at a city park.
Michelle Taylor, 47, has no prior arrests and police believe this was the first time the couple, who has two children, ever tried something like this.
"This was the first time, yeah, yes. I had no choice. I needed the money," said Taylor. Her hope now is to deal with the charges and find a legal way to help support her family.
She faces a misdemeanor charge. Her husband, who she says is too sick to hold a job, faces a class E felony.
No, pink-haired preacher's wife Jan Crouch is not a whore. Really! She just looks like one. But Paul Crouch is a pimp, yes: 'I don't turn my own bitch out, fool!' [John 3:13]