Atheist! Again! Of Course!

Now with...Satanic Tendancies! Apparently! And Muslimishness! I Guess!

Which Religion Is the Right One for You? (New Version)
created with QuizFarm.com

12. The concept of God was created by people. Agree!
18. I do not harm any living things, or at least I try not to. Agree!
24. Everyone should love each other. Agree!

You scored as atheism.

You are... an atheist, though you probably already knew this. Also, you probably have several people praying daily for your soul.

Instead of simply being "nonreligious," atheists strongly believe in the lack of existence of a higher being, or God.




















'Appalled' Over Nothing Again, Muslims Outraged World Doesn't Obey!

...World of Satan's Insolent Pig-Dogs! Cower, Damn You!

Mmmm...I guess poached Salman never gets old for some people.

Speaking Invitation to Salman Rushdie Angers Some Nova Students

from Sun-Sentinel

DAVIE, Florida - Some students at Nova Southeastern University say the school's move to invite author Salman Rushdie to speak at graduation is an insult and they want campus officials to reconsider their choice.

A small group of concerned undergraduate students will meet with the private university's leadership today, although NSU is unlikely to replace the author, whose 1988 novel The Satanic Verses was accused of being blasphemous to Islam.

In the novel, a near-death experience changes two Indian expatriates to Britain into living symbols of good and evil, who then go through a series of dreams and revelations. In 1989, Ayatollah Khomeini of Iran issued a fatwa, a religious edict, calling for the execution of Rushdie and placed a $3 million bounty on his head. The Iranian government effectively withdrew the fatwa in 1998.

In recent years, Rushdie gradually has resumed a public life, speaking at universities and making other appearances.

Graduating senior Farheen Parvez said she and her family would boycott the graduation ceremony, scheduled for May 7: "I was looking forward to my graduation, of course," said Parvez, a student leader and officer in the International Muslim Association at NSU. "Then when I found out that Salman Rushdie would be the speaker, I was appalled."

In announcing Rushdie as a speaker, NSU officials praised him as an example of "higher education's central role in the open, uncensored examination of social, cultural and religious issues."

"Most importantly, he's an outspoken advocate of freedom of expression, which is a critical core value of the university," said Don Rosenblum, dean of NSU's undergraduate school.

"I'm concerned for students who think it's intended as an affront," he said. "[Because] it's not...I hope through conversations in classrooms or person to person, we can reassure them."

Besides concerns based on Rushdie's writing, students also expressed worries over safety.

"Who is to say there is not someone willing to try and kill him while inflicting harm to everyone else at the ceremony?" said NSU student Randy Rodriguez-Torres.

Though she disagreed with the choice of Rushdie, NSU student Sadia Dandia said she planned to attend. "I don't think a speaker should prevent anyone from going to their graduation ceremony. It's not something you can get back."


World Cup Finals: Whores vs. Allah

Muslim Riots at German Bordello

from Sploid

All of Germany is busy getting ready to host soccer's World Cup, even the hookers and pimps. But when Europe's largest whorehouse tried to make all the players feel welcome, their efforts incited yet another Muslim riot.

Pascha is a seven-storey bordello in downtown Cologne. It's home to over a 100 hookers and has its own restaurant, beauty center, boutique, laundromat, tanning salon and bistro. They even offer a money-back guarantee.

To make sure the soccer players knew where they could get their kicks, manager Armin Lobscheid had a billboard draped over one side of the building. The sign shows a lovely young woman pulling up her bra as she says "A Time to Make Girlfriends", a play on the World Cup's slogan "A Time to Make Friends."

Beneath the independent contractor's panties are the flags of the 32 countries competing in this year's tournament, including Muslim nations Saudi Arabia and Iran. On the opposite side of the building they erected the flags of the of the countries.

In no time Muslims came knocking, saying that the inclusion of Saudi Arabia and Iran in the campaign was an insult to Prophet Muhammad.

Lobscheid was unmoved, until the masked, knife-wielding mob showed up some hours later.

"On Friday evening we were threatened by 11 masked men who demand that we take down the Saudi Arabian flag," Lobscheid told the Kölner Express, a local newspaper.

So Lobscheid had both the Saudi Arabian and Iranian flags taken down, but the flags were still printed on the poster.

"On Saturday night there were 20 masked men armed with knives and sticks. They threatened to get violent and even bomb the place unless we black out the Iranian and Saudi Arabian flags on the poster as well," said Lobscheid.

The mob dispersed before cops could make any arrests.

"They didn't want these two flags to be associated with this go-go girl on the banner as it's a brothel and it offended their religious feelings," said a spokeswoman for the Cologne police.

Since then Lobscheid has had the flags on the poster blacked out, but is considering filing a complaint.

For reasons unknown, there have been no complaints about the presence of the Tunisian flag bearing the Muslim crescent.


Ooh! I Have a Suggestion! How About Pope...

Wait, What's Latin for 'Jackass'?

Pope Benedict Asks If It's Too Late To Change Name

from The Onion

VATICAN CITY — Only a year after ascending to the papacy, Pope Benedict XVI is appealing the College of Cardinals for a name change.

"Benedict is serviceable enough, but I did not consider the ease of it being shortened to 'Ben' by impudent dignitaries such as Bono, nor did I foresee the difficulties it would pose whenever I ordered eggs," the former Cardinal Ratzinger said Monday. "I obviously wouldn't go with John Paul or Pius. Boniface is a non-starter, but there is precedent for a Pope Lando, Corwin, or Marcellus."

The pope admitted that when he chose his papal name he was mostly concerned with avoiding the nickname "Nazinger."


What Do These Celebrities Have in Common?









...and that Sharon?


Georgia Lurches Toward Theocracy

Perdue Signs Bible, Ten Commandments Bills

from The Associated Press

ATLANTA - Students in Georgia's public schools could begin to take Bible classes as soon as next year, under legislation Gov. Sonny Perdue signed into law on Thursday.

The law will make Georgia the first state to offer state-sanctioned elective classes on the Bible. Both bills passed by comfortable margins in both chambers.

Perdue, a Republican who is up for re-election in the fall, also signed a bill Thursday that permits the display of the Ten Commandments at courthouses, an issue the Supreme Court recently ruled can raise thorny constitutional issues.

Critics question whether the measures blur the line between church and state.

National civil rights groups said they are waiting to see how the laws are implemented before deciding whether to challenge them in court.

"There could be constitutional problems," said Jeremy Leaming, spokesman for the Washington D.C.-based Americans United for the Separation of Church and State. "But it could be some time before we know."

The Bible is already incorporated into classes in Georgia and other states, and some local school districts have passed measures permitting Bible classes. But education analysts say the law in Georgia is the first in which a state government has endorsed such courses.

Under the new law, elective classes on the Old Testament and New Testament may be taught to high school students. Local school systems will decide whether to teach the courses. The law requires that the courses be taught "in an objective and nondevotional manner with no attempt made to indoctrinate students."

Some education officials in Georgia oppose the measure, saying it will place teachers in the position of navigating a tricky constitutional divide.

Leaming said the pair of pro-religion bills smacked of "election-year politicking."

I See the LucasArts Logo or a Cowboy in Flaired, Crotchless Chaps (Circumsized) Mid-Ballet Leap, Arms in Heart Shape Over Head...

Nope, No Mary

Local Woman Claims Cloud Photo Contains Virgin Mary Image

from NewsNet5

CLEVELAND, OHIO - An Elyria woman has taken a picture of clouds that she claims resembles the Virgin Mary, NewsChannel5 reported.

The photo was taken last August and was almost deleted from the woman's digital camera until she saw something more.

Now the woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, is showing the image to the world, and has put it up for sale on eBay, not caring what her critics might have to say.

"Sometimes there are things that people point out that I cannot see. Other times I get it. I guess it's all up to how you interpret and look at it," she said.

The woman who took the picture has been an amateur photographer for several years. She said her motive for sharing her story is not making money, but rather sharing the strong belief she has in her faith.

Christianity: Portrait of a Serial Killer

Treatrical trailer for The God Who Wasn't There, a 2005 documentary exposing the darker side of Christianity - now available on DVD.

Thanks to Matt for the link...


Blithering-Mouthed Monster Calls Anti-Monster Bill Monstrous

Phelps' Granddaughter Blasts Funeral Protection Bill

from Talahassee Democrat

Megan Phelps-Roper called down her version of a vengeful, Old Testament God on the heads of lawmakers and the people of Florida today.

She called the Florida Senate the "American Taliban," and said its efforts to end her church's protests at the funerals of fallen veterans are unconstitutional.

"America flips off God on a daily basis," Phelps-Roper said. "Now he is avenging [Our Word-of-the-Day! - it doesn't mean what she thinks] America."

Phelps-Roper, granddaughter of Fred Phelps and a member of his Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kan., believes that by countenancing homosexuals, the nation dooms itself.

Members of the church travel the country protesting at military funerals, expressing glee at the deaths of soldiers as divine retribution and shouting anti-gay slurs.

Lawmakers today advanced legislation that would further protect families of fallen soldiers from facing just such protests. The full House and a Senate committee approved a bill to increase the fines for public disturbances at military funerals.

Senators heard Phelps-Roper out, but not with pleasure.

Sen. Mike Bennett, a Bradenton Republican and sponsor of the Senate bill, is a Vietnam War veteran. Bennett referred to Cpl. David A. Bass, a Tennessee man killed April 2 in Iraq. Phelps' church members protested at Bass' funeral in Nashville earlier this week.

"She should thank God for Corporal Bass, who gave his life so she could stand up and run her blithering mouth," Bennett said.

The room broke out in thunderous applause as Bennett turned to leave, his lips tight and eyes shimmering in anger.

Often seen at cemetaries by horrified mourners, ghouls gleefully feed off the corpses of strangers, as is their perverse, unholy nature.

Bible Verses Aren't Christian?! 'Keep the Sabbath' & 'Lord's Name' Aren't Religion-Specific?! Really? Says Who? Ahhh...Christians

So if a Christian activist donates the Ten Commandments to a public school but says his intent is to combat, oh I don't know, tardiness, then it can stay? Interesting.

Judge Says Ten Commandments Can Stay

from The Associated Press

TOLEDO, Ohio - A Ten Commandments monument that has stood on the courthouse lawn for almost 50 years does not promote religion and can remain in place, a federal judge ruled.

U.S. District Judge James Carr said Tuesday that the monument can stay because the motives for placing it outside the Lucas County courthouse were secular and not an endorsement of a specific belief.

The American Civil Liberties Union of Ohio sued Lucas County in 2002 to have the display removed, saying it was unconstitutional and promoted religion.

Carr's decision followed a ruling last year by the U.S. Supreme Court that addressed displays of the Ten Commandments.

The Supreme Court in June allowed a 6-foot granite monument to remain at the Texas Capitol. Justices said Ten Commandments exhibits would be upheld if their main purpose was to honor the nation's legal, rather than religious, traditions, and if they didn't promote one religious sect over another.

The Lucas County marker was given to the county by the Fraternal Order of the Eagles as part of an effort to combat juvenile delinquency.

Jeffrey Gamso, a legal director for the ACLU in Ohio, said the group had not decided whether to appeal.

Still Crazy After All These Years

That Ark Don't Float!

from Sploid

A bible-thumping old preacher in the hillbilly hills of western Maryland has spent more than a quarter-century trying to finish a giant metal "replica" of Noah's Ark.

Pastor Richard Greene began the ludicrous project on Easter 1976, convinced that his god was speaking to him through a series of
apocalyptic dreams.

Just as countless would-be prophets over thousands and thousands of years have suffered the delusion of believing the End Times were close at hand, Greene started believing the world would end shortly after his bicentennial visions of doom.

Instead, the world moves on - perhaps to its doom, perhaps just a constant, pointless shuffle to nowhere in particular - and Pastor Greene
can't seem to get his monument finished.

An unloved Sphinx looming over the old mining town of Frostburg, the
rusty skeleton of the would-be ark has watched the town die and be born again. Industry crumbled in the 1980s. Prisons were installed to house convicted criminals from the slums of Baltimore.

And finally, in the first years of this millennium, the housing boom around Washington D.C. finally sent its shock wave all the way out to these dirty Appalachian hills.

"Across the road from the unfinished Ark, construction crews have broken ground on the 400 homes of the upscale Prichard Farms development," the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
reported Sunday.

"There are no such construction crews working on Pastor Greene's Ark."

The saddest part of Greene's pursuit is that the Noah's Ark story has nothing to do with the Hebrew gods later converted by Christians to a universal god.

While many Christian faithful believe the biblical story as literal history, serious theologians and historians know that the ark saga is part of the "
Flood Mythos" important to many cultures that sprang from the cradle of modern-day civilization, the Tigris-Euphrates fertile crescent in Iraq.

(Epic stories of a Great Flood exist in Indian, Chinese, Norse and even Native American traditions, but the Great Flood of the Tigris-Euphrates Valley was most likely a specific regional event that
lasted a week or so and wreaked havoc on the low-lying lands.)

Hebrew tribes in
Babylonian exile in the 6th Century B.C.E. brought many ancient myths back home to Israel, including the story of different gods sending a deluge to purge humanity and different chosen characters saving their families, wealth and livestock by loading everything aboard a large river barge.

Stories of the creation, Garden of Eden and the first humans also come from the old Sumerian epics so popular in Babylon.

Abraham/Abram himself - the traditional father of Judaism, Christianity and Islam - was reportedly a native of the Sumerian city-state Ur and brought those beliefs with him during a long journey west to modern-day Israel.


Remember When Catholic Priests Only Molested Children?
Sigh, Those Were the Days...

Priest Headed to Trial Over Nun's Slaying

from The Associated Press

TOLEDO, Ohio - When Sister Margaret Ann Pahl's body was found the day before Easter 26 years ago, she had been strangled and stabbed in a hospital chapel. The wounds on her chest and neck resembled a cross.

Jury selection was to begin Monday in the murder trial of the man accused of her killing, the Rev. Gerald Robinson, the same Roman Catholic priest who presided at Pahl's funeral Mass.

Robinson, 68, is accused of strangling and stabbing Pahl in 1980 at the hospital where they worked. Investigators have not disclosed a motive for the slaying but said it may have been some kind of ritual slaying.

Investigators who reopened the murder after two decades say they found bloodstains on an altar cloth that matched those from a sword-shaped letter opener. Police now believe the letter opener, found in Robinson's room, was the murder weapon.

Prosecutors plan to use Robinson's statements made to police, including a claim that someone else had confessed to killing the woman. He later admitted making that up, according to an investigator's testimony earlier this year.

Robinson was the chaplain at Mercy Hospital and worked closely with the nun, who was the caretaker of the hospital chapel. Investigators took Robinson into custody in April 2004. They also exhumed the nun's body two years ago and gathered DNA samples.

Police have said the killing may have been some kind of ritual slaying because of evidence found in the chapel and because Pahl's body was posed to look as though she had been sexually assaulted, even though investigators say she wasn't.

Robinson, who is free on bail, could get life in prison if convicted of murder.

He Puts the 'Dick' in Benedict

Ratzi Says Science & Freedom Are Satanic

from Sploid

Pope Joseph Ratzinger, a former Nazi, used his "Good Friday" sermon to lash out at everybody and everything for being Satanic.

Unlike the previous pope, who was just as rigidly medieval but had personal charm, Ratzi can't wrap his foul, sputtering inquisition in the disguise of a cute old man.

The Times of London reported Friday that Ratzi's targets would include science, freedom, sophistication and affluence. As always, the Vatican insists that its subjects be poor, dumb, sickly and terrified - just like in the Dark Ages.

"Lord, we have lost our sense of sin. Today a slick campaign of propaganda is spreading an inane apologia of evil, a senseless cult of Satan, a mindless desire for transgression, a dishonest and frivolous freedom, exalting impulsiveness, immorality and selfishness as if they were new heights of sophistication," says one of Ratzi's poisonous Good Friday rants.

The "prayers" were written by one of Ratzi's most rabid henchmen, Archbishop Angelo Comastri.

Researchers discovering fantastic new ways to cure the sick and mend the crippled are especially despised by the hateful old pope, the Times reported. Scientists are "insane, risky and dangerous" for making medical advances, while all learning and technology is dismissed as "Satanic."

"Lord Jesus, our affluence is making us less human, our entertainment has become a drug, a source of alienation, and our society's incessant, tedious message is an invitation to die of selfishness," Ratzi says in yet another hateful rant to be given at the "Stations of the Cross" in Rome. "Today we seem to be witnessing a kind of anti-Genesis, a counter-plan, a diabolical pride aimed at eliminating the family."

Historians say Ratzinger presides over a global crime syndicate that helped murder millions of Jews during World War II, smuggled Nazis to safety in South America, ritually killed anyone who got in the way of the Vatican's money-laundering operations or political schemes, violently suppressed other Christian denominations and cultures for some 1,500 years, and engineered the rape of countless thousands of children by priests right up to the present day.

New Insomnia Cure: Cruficixion!

Side Effects May Include: Uncontrollable Sobbing, Pussification, Death

'God Made Me Cancel My Crucifixion'

from Sploid

A publicity hungry ex-gameshow host traveled over 10,000 miles to be crucified, only to break down in tears when he pussed out at the last minute.

Dominik Diamond, formerly host of Britain's GamesMaster, had convinced authorities in the Philippines to allow him to join the annual Karabrio Easter ceremony in San Pedro Cutud, where thousands gather to watch folks self-flagellate and be crucified, all in the name of Jesus.

Diamond would've been only the second Westerner to participate in the senselessly abusive ritual.

But as he watched the man in line before him have nails pounded into his hands and feet, Diamond had second thoughts. He began sobbing uncontrollably.

I can't do it, I can't do it," Diamond, 37, was heard to say through his tear. "God wanted me only to pray at the foot of my cross," he sobbed. He then fell to his knees in prayer as the locals and tourists booed him. He was soon led away to an ambulance for no apparent reason.

Luckily all this was caught on film, as Diamond had been planning to turn the experience into a TV documentary tentatively titled Crucify Me.

Diamond was trying to reconnect with God after years of unheeded prayer. He had been afflicted with insomnia and spent countless sleepless nights begging God to let him sleep.

I thought this was such a simple thing to ask and He could not do it," Diamond said.

Folks in the Philippines have been putting themselves through this torturous nonsense since the 17th Century, but the crucifixions were fake, people had been tied to the crosses. Then in 1961, the man chosen head Kristo demanded that he be nailed to his cross. Since then, real honest-to-God crucifixion has been deriguer.

Ruben Enaje, 45, has been chief Kristo since 2002 and just celebrated his 20 crucifixion. He served as Diamond's mentor. He said that after carrying his cross up the hill and watching others go before him him, he thought better of it.

"He grew scared when he saw the others being crucified," said Enaje.

Despite the title of his project and the setting, Diamond insists he never guaranteed he would be crucified.

"At no point was it ever conveyed that I would definitely be crucified. At all times in this journey I have been guided by my God in ways I could never have predicted. Having experienced the humility of bearing my own cross through the streets, I felt my God wanted me only to pray at the foot of my cross."

Need less to say, the title is subject to change.

So They Can Prove She's Still Cursed?
Too Bad Stupidity Isn't Illegal - She'd Be Rich

That's a Pretty Big Curse...

from Reuters

MOSCOW - Russian police are looking for two mystics who persuaded a student to part with more than $160,000 in exchange for lifting a curse, RIA news agency reported Sunday.

"Two unknown women, on the pretext of lifting a curse, stole $150,000 and some jewelry by means of deception. The total amount stolen is estimated at $161,800," the agency quoted a police source as saying.

The victim is a female student at Moscow's elite State Institute for International Affairs, RIA said. Many Russians are highly superstitious. They spend huge sums each year on faith healers and alternative medicine.

All Praise the Prophet Yomamma!
Comedy Central Becomes Islam's Bitch, Changes Logo to: We (Heart) Fanatics!

Maybe one day...

South Park Censored

from E! Online

There />was something missing in Wednesday night's South Park, as a title card explained: "Comedy Central has refused to broadcast an image of Mohammed on their network."

It was not a joke.

The scene depicting the Islamic prophet handing a football helmet to a character from Family Guy (at least that's how another of the show's title cards put it) really was nixed by Comedy Central.

A source close to the show said safety concerns were behind the move. Earlier this year, Danish newspapers published cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammed, sparking deadly riots throughout many Muslim nations. Any rendering of the prophet, even a positive one, is considered blasphemous by Muslims.

"In light of recent events, we feel we made the right decision," Comedy Central said in a statement Thursday.

There was no public response from series creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

In the South Park version of things, Family Guy makes it to air with the controversial scene, prompting an animated response (literally) from al Qaeda involving Jesus, President Bush, the U.S. flag and bowel movements.

In an interview with the Associated Press, William Donohue of the conservative Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights attacked Parker and Stone, but not Comedy Central, for the Jesus bit making air. Of the show's creators, Donohue said, "[They're] like little whores...They'll sit there and they'll whine and they'll take their shot at Jesus."

An avowed equal opportunity offender, South Park previously depicted Mohammed to little public outcry. In that case, timing might have been everything. The episode, "Super Best Friends," debuted in July 2001, or two months before the arrival of the post-9-11 world.

South Park has been winning friends of late with its religious-themed episodes. Last year, Comedy Central ran, but later declined to rerun the episode "Bloody Mary" after Donohue's group took umbrage with a menstruating statue of the Virgin Mary. Last month, Isaac Hayes turned in his Chef's hat, saying the show's satire had gone too far. His departure was seen as a belated response to "Trapped in the Closet," a 2005 episode that focused on Scientology, Hayes' religion. Comedy Central pulled a rerun of that episode, too.


Does Allah Throw Like a Girl, Too? Get a Job

Indonesian Muslim militants throw stones at the windows of Indonesian Playboy Magazine office during a protest in Jakarta April 12, 2006. Hundreds of Indonesian protesters vandalised a building housing the office of Playboy magazine on Wednesday in a protest against the publication of the magazine in the world's most populous Muslim nation. REUTERS/Beawiharta

Big Macs Aren't Gods!
, on the Other Hand...

A Hindu devotee (C) sitting on the ground holds an oil lamp while a boy feeds a calf during the Chariot Festival in honour of the White Machhindra Nath goddess in Kathmandu. A court in Nepal, the world's only Hindu kingdom, has jailed a woman for 12 years after finding her guilty of killing and eating a sacred cow, local media said.(AFP/File/Devendra M. Singh)

Wah! Wah! Wah!
Did Jesus Cry Like a Little Bitch? Save a Nail for His Head

Forty-five-year-old Ruben Enaje grimaces as he is nailed to the cross for the 20th time during annual lenten rites in San Pedro Cutud village, in San Fernando city about 45 miles north of Manila on Friday April 14, 2006. Enaje said it is his way of thanking God for miraculously surviving a fall from a building when he was a construction worker. At least seven Filipino devotees were nailed believing that the sacrifice would save them from sin. (AP Photo/Aaron Favila)



MTV's Pope Cartoon

from Sploid

MTV Europe has Catholics outraged in Germany, Austria and Switzerland, all because of a little cartoon show called Popetown.

The animated comedy was produced for the BBC, but even that godless public-broadcasting operation found Popetown too offensive.

It's about the funny crime always happening at the Vatican, like cardinals raping animals, according to World Net Daily.

The pope himself is a secondary character, portrayed as "a fat infantile figure bouncing on a pogo stick through the Vatican, surrounded by a bunch of corrupt cardinals," WND.com reported Tuesday.

Because protests are very popular right now, Germans are said to be protesting MTV Europe's decision to broadcast the cartoon.

The current real-life pope is a former Nazi from Germany.

Yoyoyo Vey, G-Zas!

First Black Jesus Movie Aims To Unite Blacks and Jews

from PRN Newswire

LOS ANGELES - Color of the Cross, a Nu-Lite Entertainment production, is an independent, biblically-charged religious biopic based on the last 48 hours of Christ's life and stands to be the most controversial depiction of Jesus to date. In this gripping, two-hour epic, Jesus is portrayed as a black Jew. This retelling of the biblical story from a black perspective seeks to repair the anti-Semitism that has been associated with the story of Christ.

Unlike Passion of the Christ, Color of the Cross chose not to focus on the bloody torture of Christ's crucifixion. Instead the film focuses on the human pain and suffering that Christ, the Disciples, and Christ's family endured. Color of the Cross reaches across a cultural divide to inspire and challenge its viewers intellectually.

Recent programs such as the History Channel's Warriors of the Bible clearly shows the diversity of cultures as they existed in the geographical region where the Bible stories occurred. And like many of the recent programs flooding the media such as the Book of Judas, Ron Howard's The Da Vinci Code, etc., Color of the Cross also bases its story not just on scriptural interpretation but other historical data with many interpretations pointing to the fact that Christ very well may have been dark skinned.

The film will have a theatrical release in October 2006.

Sympathy for 'the Devil':
The Demonology of Lucifer in Doubt

The Devil Redeemed!

from Sploid

Christians believe in a character called Satan who rules an evil empire and is constantly trying to make people have sex or drink beer, but a Medieval Studies professor is on a bold mission to tell the truth about the so-called Devil.

According to
Dr. Henry Ansgar Kelly, the Evil One feared by Christians is just an invention of the Roman church still used by "fire and brimstone" preachers even today. Over the centuries and especially during the Middle Ages, the Satan character became ever more detailed.

As the Christian religion was put together from a diverse collection of Middle Eastern and Mediterranean mythologies and cults, the church fathers found it useful to combine dozens of different characters to make a scary devil monster that would
keep people in line, according to Satan: A Biography.

The "satan" in the Old Testament isn't even a specific character, Dr. Kelly writes. In the famous Book of Job, for example, the Hebrew text describes a class of angels that do cruel experiments for a bored and vicious God.

These entities are known as "ha-satan," or "the adversaries" or "the prosecutors" -- the hit men or district attorneys working for God.

"For 1700 years, Satan has been the enemy of God, whereas in the Bible he works for God, he's his prime minister or attorney general, in charge of policing the world. He is one of God's angels and his job is to test people,"
Dr. Kelly told The Age this week.

In other Old Testament uses, "satan" is a generic word for any human opposition or adversary, a divine messenger, or most frequently as a member of God's inner council -- a sort of governing board of directors.

But during the 400-year gap between the events of the Old Testament and the time of Jesus described in the New Testament, Jews radically changed their concept of both God and "the adversaries." Historians say this is because the Jews were in particularly close contact with Iran between about 300 B.C.E. and 50 B.C.E.

From Iran, the Jews borrowed
a whole new set of concepts from the Persian Zoroastrian faith. Suddenly the all-powerful sadistic God of the Old Testament was no longer in charge of evil and no longer had the strength to stop evil, which was now run by a deity who was just as powerful as God and who was wholly evil.

In the centuries after Jesus reportedly preached in modern-day Israel, theologians decided that all the various gods, demons and vague evils in the Old and New Testaments would be better as a
single terrifying monster.

Because of this "keep it simple, stupid" philosophy, diverse Middle Eastern gods such as
Hadad, Ba'al Zebub and even the planet Venus became a single fearsome bad guy.

Most of the so-called "demons" in the Bible are just the names of the gods worshiped by neighboring tribes ... often Hebrew tribes!

And "Lucifer," who makes a single appearance in today's Bible, doesn't have anything to do with Satan or demons.

"Lucifer" - Latin for "light bringer," or Venus the morning star - is the result of a sloppy 4th Century Latin translation of a
story about an Iraqi king. The whole tale of Lucifer being a beloved angel of God who does something bad and "falls" to Earth was entirely invented centuries later, supposedly from a verse in Isaiah about a plain old king being taunted by exiled Jews.

(During the same
simple era when the masses were told all the competing deities in the Bible were actually one "lone gunman" devil who just happened to look like a popular Greek nature god, monks and theologians were privately creating an incredible world of "Christian Demonology" in which there were hundreds of thousands of devils and demons in a fantastically complex bureaucracy.)

Dr. Kelly says he wants this true history of "Satan" to spread so that Christians may one day learn the Devil they know doesn't actually exist in their own Bible.


Fly the Karmic Skies

Air India Now Offers Business Caste Seating

from The Onion

MUMBAI — Air India, the subcontinent's largest airline, announced it will offer upgraded Business Caste seating on all flights starting in July.

"More legroom, wider seats — and no need to associate with the manual laborers," a spokesman for the airline said Tuesday. "Our business travelers must have lived good past lives to deserve this."

Air India still ranks at the bottom of the airline industry in customer satisfaction, with a high volume of complaints about cooking fires in the climate-uncontrolled cabins, wandering cows that flight attendants refuse to remove, and the "Untouchable" Coach Caste, which is towed behind Air India jetliners in a giant burlap sack.

Muslims Trampled To Death?! B-But It's Not Even Wednesday!

Oh Well...Happy Birthday, Mo!

Pakistan Stampede Kills 29

from The Associated Press

KARACHI, Pakistan - A stampede killed at least 29 women and children and injured more than 70 others in this southern Pakistani port city Sunday as thousands filed out of a religious seminar to mark the birth of Islam's Prophet Muhammad, police and doctors said.

The stampede occurred outside the Sunni Muslim Faizan-e-Medina center in downtown Karachi as the crowd left to attend a rally, after listening to clerics deliver sermons on the life of the 7th Century prophet whose birthday is celebrated Tuesday, said Hanees Billu, a spokesman for the center.

Blood, shoes and black veils littered the scene of the stampede near the gate to the Islamic center. Administrators of the center barred photographers and reporters from entering the premises to take pictures or interview people.

Doctors said most of the deaths were caused by internal injuries and suffocation, while more than 40 of those injured were in "very serious conditions," said Abdi of the Liaqat hospital.

"Numerous innocent lives perished, [but] they embraced martyrdom and we pray for their eternal peace," said white-bearded Hafiz Hassan Attari, a senior official from the Dawat-e-Islami missionary group that runs the center.

Islamic religious events are often marred by stampedes, particularly during the hajj pilgrimage to the cities of Medina and Mecca in Saudi Arabia.

More than 360 people died in Mina, outside Mecca, in January, while a 1990 hajj stampede killed 1,426 pilgrims.