4.17.2006

He Puts the 'Dick' in Benedict

Ratzi Says Science & Freedom Are Satanic

from Sploid

Pope Joseph Ratzinger, a former Nazi, used his "Good Friday" sermon to lash out at everybody and everything for being Satanic.

Unlike the previous pope, who was just as rigidly medieval but had personal charm, Ratzi can't wrap his foul, sputtering inquisition in the disguise of a cute old man.

The Times of London reported Friday that Ratzi's targets would include science, freedom, sophistication and affluence. As always, the Vatican insists that its subjects be poor, dumb, sickly and terrified - just like in the Dark Ages.

"Lord, we have lost our sense of sin. Today a slick campaign of propaganda is spreading an inane apologia of evil, a senseless cult of Satan, a mindless desire for transgression, a dishonest and frivolous freedom, exalting impulsiveness, immorality and selfishness as if they were new heights of sophistication," says one of Ratzi's poisonous Good Friday rants.

The "prayers" were written by one of Ratzi's most rabid henchmen, Archbishop Angelo Comastri.

Researchers discovering fantastic new ways to cure the sick and mend the crippled are especially despised by the hateful old pope, the Times reported. Scientists are "insane, risky and dangerous" for making medical advances, while all learning and technology is dismissed as "Satanic."

"Lord Jesus, our affluence is making us less human, our entertainment has become a drug, a source of alienation, and our society's incessant, tedious message is an invitation to die of selfishness," Ratzi says in yet another hateful rant to be given at the "Stations of the Cross" in Rome. "Today we seem to be witnessing a kind of anti-Genesis, a counter-plan, a diabolical pride aimed at eliminating the family."

Historians say Ratzinger presides over a global crime syndicate that helped murder millions of Jews during World War II, smuggled Nazis to safety in South America, ritually killed anyone who got in the way of the Vatican's money-laundering operations or political schemes, violently suppressed other Christian denominations and cultures for some 1,500 years, and engineered the rape of countless thousands of children by priests right up to the present day.

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