1.16.2006

The Ghosts & Mr. Mayor
NOLA Chief Talks to God & Dr. King About Chocolate Cities, Iraq & The Damn Blacks



God Talks to NOLA Mayor

from Sploid

Mayor Ray Nagin isn't just talking to Congress and the media these days.

New Orleans' hotheaded leader is also talking to God...and Nagin hears God talking back.

What's on the Lord's mind these days? New Orleans, obviously, and how He is angry at black people.

God is also furious at the whole United States, Nagin said Monday, and that's why so many devastating hurricanes struck America last year.

As usual, God is simultaneously enraged and loving, vengeful and giving, malicious and kind. In people, we call this "insanity." But God can and does kill whomever He wants however He wants, so most psychiatrists avoid diagnosing the famous deity altogether.

"Surely God is mad at America. He sent us hurricane after hurricane after hurricane, and it destroyed and put stress on this country," Nagin said at a Martin Luther King Day ceremony.

What else ticks Him off these days? Iraq, obviously.

"Surely he doesn't approve of us being in Iraq under false pretenses," Nagin said. "But surely he is upset at black America also. We're not taking care of ourselves."

Nagin wasn't done talking to his make-believe friends. Next he started a conversation with the long-dead Dr. King, the slain civil rights leader whose name today is synonymous with "three-day weekend" and "that street where it's best to drive with your doors locked."

"I don't think that we need to pay attention any more as much about other folks and racists on the other side," King's ghost reportedly told Nagin. "The thing we need to focus on as a community - black folks I'm talking about - is ourselves."

Dead or not, Dr. King's comments today were timely.

While God is allegedly furious with America and black people, He reportedly told the mayor that New Orleans will continue to be a mostly black city - even after so many of its blacks were forced out by the catastrophic flooding of the Lower Ninth Ward.

"It's time for us to rebuild New Orleans - the one that should be a chocolate New Orleans," the mayor said. "It's the way God wants it to be. You can´t have New Orleans no other way. It wouldn't be New Orleans."

Those white New Orleanians who hoped the rebuilt New Orleans would be richer and paler will have to get around at least two roadblocks: Mayor Ray Nagin and his Very Angry God.

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