1.14.2006

So It's All Judas's Fault!



Judas Redeemed

from Sploid

For 2,000 long years, the disciple Judas got a bum rap for allegedly selling out his top man Jesus.

But publishers are now releasing the Gospel of Judas, and supporters of the slandered disciple of Christ are hoping their guy finally gets some credit.

After all, if the accepted biblical accounts of Judas selling out to the Romans aren't true, then Jesus wouldn't have been crucified.

And if Jesus hadn't been crucified, he would have just been another anti-Roman terrorist stirring up the rowdy characters in occupied Israel.

But instead of living out his days doing carpentry, Jesus became famous thanks to Judas Iscariot. For a reported 30 pieces of silver, Judas narked on Jesus. Shortly after the aptly named Last Supper, the Jewish radical known as Yeshua to his followers was arrested by the Romans.

Before long, reports say, he was hanging from a cross. Then he died. Later reports say he was mysteriously resurrected from death by his own "father," the Hebrew god known as YHWH.

But the resurrection was anticlimactic. Yeshua - his actual name, which translates to "Joshua," not the made-up "Jesus" - reportedly appeared before some of his disciples, even though they didn't recognize him. And as soon as the guys got used to the boss being back, he vanished into thin air. Even the Risen Lord's brother James didn't quite buy the whole act.

Nonetheless, a tax collector named Saul had some kind of mystical experience while traveling on the Road to Damascus. Afterwards, Saul insisted on being called "St. Paul," and next thing you know the whole Roman Empire had converted its worship of various sun gods to the worship of the very Jew they executed.

Without Judas, none of this would've happened. Americans might be worshipping Thor or Mithra or Pat Robertson.

The publishers hope that the Gospel of Judas will finally teach people that the alleged betrayer was really a key player in the whole melodrama.


I wonder if the evanglical Asgardians would have been as monstrous and perverse as their Christian counterparts? Sigh. What a wonderful world it could have been. Thanks a lot, Judas!

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