1.15.2006

Pope Anonymous X



Pope Ratzi's Mystery Trips

'What's He Building?' wonders Sploid

The new pope is creeping out the Vatican with his increasingly bizarre behavior.

Joseph Ratzinger - now known as Benedict XVI - first raised eyebrows in Rome when he began appearing in bizarre clothing.

His latest eccentric behavior is more mysterious: On three nights in the past few weeks, Ratzinger has gone in disguise to his old apartment outside the Vatican walls.

Each time, a black car was seen delivering the new pope to his old quarters around 9 p.m. Instead of the usual pope costume, Ratzinger wore plain black priest robes, his face hidden by a black hat.

And each time, his male secretary follows him into the apartment. They don't come out for hours.

"We shouldn't be surprised " the Italian paper La Stampa wrote. "The calm existence he had before, and the most certainly more weighty one he has now are separated by just a few hundred meters; maybe the temptation is just too much even for the strong but delicate personality of Benedict XVI."

Maybe.

But for a pope mired in conspiracy and controversy before he even took the Vatican throne, dark theories are in order.

Ratzinger is the first actual proven Nazi to be elected pope.

He is notorious for protecting the pedophile priests who raped so many thousands of innocent children within supposedly sacred Catholic churches.

He has lashed out at innocent homosexuals wanting to be priests, while ignoring the child rapists who preside over so many parishes.

Ratzinger also directed his cruelty at barren Italian women seeking fertility treatment. The new pope wants them to die childless.

And just before the New Year, Ratzinger was able to squirm away from felony charges in Texas, where he was accused of covering up the rape of children by his church's priests.

The scandal-stained old Nazi even ran a secret Swiss scheme with the U.S. president's criminal brother, Neil Bush.

Just before Christmas, the hardcore conservative and former Nazi known as God's Rottweiler greeted Catholics in what looked like a cheap department-store Santa hat. The Vatican later explained the red-and-white fur cap was a regular headdress for popes in the Middle Ages.

The 78-year-old German has also appeared in public wearing red Prada shoes and ridiculous designer sunglasses.

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