12.29.2005

Don King Presents:
Jesus vs. God: The Harmageddon!


'Not since Luke vanquished Vader! [that's right!] Not since Oedipus killed the king! [no sir!] Not since America pounded the Crown! [revolution!] Not since Lizzy diced daddy! [lordy!] Not since Zeus crushed Kronos! [say it!] Not since Hamlet clobbered Claudius! [not to be!] Not since Carrie mangled mommy! [they're all gonna stab at you!] Not since Set beset Osiris! [oh no!] Not since Cristina jacked Joan! [mommie deadest!] Not since Menendez massacred Menendez! [yessir!] Not since...'

Pa. Teacher Found Nude Faces Charges

from The Associated Press

HARRISBURG, Pa. - A high school teacher faces charges of assaulting a police officer and possession of illegal drugs after being arrested earlier this month while standing naked in the snow, police said.

Curtis Lofton, 23, was arrested Dec. 10 after police found him nude outside his home. When asked where he lived and why he was naked, Lofton said that he was Jesus Christ and that the officer must be God, according to court papers.

A scuffle broke out between the two men during which Lofton, is alleged to have hit the officer over the head with a plastic toy trumpet he found nearby.

Lofton, a second-year French teacher, was charged with aggravated assault involving a police officer, resisting arrest, open lewdness, possession of a small amount of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia, and unlawful possession of the prescription drug oxycodone.

4 Comments:

Anonymous pedanticsatire said...

I bet you think that this is absolutely hilarious don't you? It's not. You have no idea who this man is and how incredible he is. We're all human beings, and we all have breakdowns. The fact that it was plastered all over the news is disgusting. People will only see him as the drunk, stoned fool who thought he was Jesus. He might as well have been Jesus to me though. And ANYBODY who has ever had him as a teacher will say the same.

March 20, 2006 10:19 PM  
Blogger pedanticsatire said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

March 20, 2006 10:32 PM  
Blogger Darren said...

Hilarious is a strong word but certainly humorous. That's one of the benefits of the objective viewpoint - to see humor where others closer to the subject may feel pain. Every person who does something strange - every runaway bride or Muslim attacked by his own sacrifice or vice president who shoots someone - is loved by someone, someone who doesn't find the incident funny. The rest of the world is not bound by those allegiances.

Your teacher did something very strange. He has to take his ridicule just like everyone else. Without public ridicule, people may be more inclined to repeat their mistakes.

And don't be too hard on me. All I did was reprint the story. The humor I added had actually nothing to do with your teacher personally. If anything, Don King should be upset.

March 21, 2006 4:16 PM  
Blogger Darren said...

I bet you think that this is absolutely hilarious don't you? It's not. You have no idea who this man is and how incredible he is. We're all human beings, and we all have breakdowns. The fact that it was plastered all over the news is disgusting. People will only see him as the drunk, stoned fool who thought he was Jesus. He might as well have been Jesus to me though. And ANYBODY who has ever had him as a teacher will say the same.


You deleted this but I still got it in my in-box.

My boyfriend is that kind of teacher, the kind that students 20 years from now will still be citing for having inspired them when they'd lost interest, for having made them better than they otherwise would have been, for being a role model.

But they've never seen him so drunk that he vomits on himself and on me while I'm rolling him into bed. Or stoned into incoherency. Or passing out in his dinner.

Everyone is human.

March 21, 2006 4:28 PM  

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