7.23.2006

Jesus, the Other White Meat
vs
Unconsciousness, the Other Near-Death

Yellow-Haired Jesus Saves!

from Sploid

A little boy in the Philippines has come back from the dead after 17 hours, thanks to a blond and bearded Jesus who saved him.

In early June, ten-year-old Dante "Jun-Jun" Cardel Jr. started inexplicably vomiting blood. By late June, doctors had diagnosed a fatal and inoperable brain tumor.

His parents were devastated.

On June 21, Jun-Jun succumbed following his brief but valiant battle with cancer. Doctors removed his life-support system and pronounced him dead. His weeping parents brought the body home, cradling him on their laps as they made the long journey from the Philippine General Hospital in Manila to their home in Puro.

There they were greeted by a crowd of neighbors who had set up tents, tables, and chairs for Jun-Jun's wake. To their collective surprise, Jun-Jun sat bolt upright around 8 a.m. and asked for food.

He later told The Manila Times about his brief visit to the afterlife.

"I was in my father's arms when I saw Jesus Christ with a beard and long blond hair. He told me to wake up. There were two birds beside him, one black and the other white, flying around jackfruit trees. Jesus looked at me and touched my eyes. When I woke up I looked up at the sky, but I didn't see him again," he said.

According to another source, the boy saw a church with beautiful singing angels and the aforementioned golden-haired Jesus.

If nothing else, this amazing miracle at least clears up the age-old question about the color and length of the hair of the Christian savior.

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