7.19.2006

'I'm Unwell!'

Angry God Strikes Another 'Christian'

from Sploid

The Good Lord's contempt for Christians is well documented, His most recent attack coming this past week. Outraged by a cross worn on the neck of a 16-year-old Russian girl, He scored a direct hit.

Marina Motygina and her friend Anya this weekend were at a swimming hole in the Ural Mountains when a storm started brewing.

"Anya was bathing, and I was sitting under a tree," Motygina says.

As the rains began to fall, Motygina ran to collect their clothing. With the girl out from under her cover, God saw his chance.

"When it started to rain and thunder struck, I ran to get our things from the meadow. Probably then the lightning struck. I remember falling down and saying, 'I'm unwell.' Then everything went dark."

Lightning had come down from above, striking the young girl on the temple. As the super-charged bolt raced through her body, it vaporized the crucifix Motygina wore. Her chest now bears a cross-shaped scar forever burned into her flesh as a reminder of her impertinence.

Anya just barely dodged the attack.

"I was running to the tree for shelter, when thunder struck very near, so loudly that I covered my ears, then I saw a flash of light right in front of me..." Anya recalled. "Then I came to myself lying in the grass. I crawled on my elbows to the bag with my mobile phone and called my parents."

Miraculously, Motygina is back on her feet, though she's still in the hospital receiving treatment for her burns, says her doctor.

"Marina is fine, even her heart is working perfectly well, though usually when a person is struck by lightning, the heart stops immediately. It's a really unique case. There are only a few people who survived a lightning strike, and most of them develop telepathic or psychic abilities."

Sadly for Motygina, no such powers have presented themselves.

Again and again, God has been lashing out at those who pray, carry crosses, and otherwise pretend to understand Him.

He may be losing his patience.

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