'He gave me what? A Bible? Written backwards? Are you kidding me? A Hindu? Is that him over there with the dot? OK, here's what you do: Take the book, thank him for me, bless him blah blah blah, release the hounds, kill his family. Now get the fuck out of here.'
Indian Hindu Creates Unique Bible for Pope
GUWAHATI, India - A Hindu youth from northeastern India has written a Bible in inverse, or "mirror language," which is to be presented to Pope Benedict XVI as a Christmas gift, a cleric said.
Uttam Das, 29, handed over his unique creation to Assam state's Archbishop Thomas Menamparampil with a request that it be presented to the Pope.
"I am amazed and bewildered to see this Bible copied in a different style. I don't know how it is going to benefit, but then he has done something unique," the archbishop said Sunday.
The cleric is likely to carry the Bible, for which a reader needs the help of a mirror, sometime in January to the Vatican and present it to the Pope. Das claims his feat marks the first time anyone has written the Bible in mirror language.
"Really bizarre," said Allan Brooks, a Roman Catholic Church leader.
Das now plans to copy the Hindu holy book, the Gita, and the Muslim scripture the Koran in his unusual style.
Papal Faux Pas #2: For the...um...obvious cosmetic reasons, mirrors must never...ever...be presented to the Holy See. The last time he saw his own horrible reflection was 1988, and he ran shrieking and defacating into the night. They found him six months later in a circus freakshow naked in a cage and biting the heads off live cats. Which reminds me: Papal Faux Pas #5: Never say the words 'Gongo: The Cat-Sucking Man-Monster of Munich.'