11.12.2005

Fatty Foods Like Kryptonite to God!
Faith Healer Commits Miracucide! Again!
Patient Likely Dies Trying To Finish Saying Name of Church!

Faith Healer Loses Patient During Routine Miracle

from The Onion

WAYCROSS, GA — A routine laying-on of hands ended in a fatal cardiac embolism for a worshiper at the One, True, Glorious, Excruciated, And Risen Christ Traveling Gospel Church Sunday.

"Losing a fellow Christian is always the hardest part of this job," attending faith healer Harlon Pearcey said. "I invoked the name of the Holy Trinity to drive the sickness out from the poor sinner's heart, but sadly, a blockage in the sinner's pulmonary artery stopped God's love, and much blood, from getting through."

The American Faith-Healing Association issued a statement saying that Pearcey followed trinity-invocation and snake-handling guidelines during the procedure.

1 Comments:

Blogger Darren said...

How wacky is religion?

I saved this story from earlier in the week (in case it was a slow, Jesus-Tree-free news weekend) and, rereading it today, it sounded like a perfectly reasonable snake-shaking, tongues-speaking faith healer article to me. Only after I wrote a headline and posted it did I notice the article's byline.

"Oh, that's right! It's a fake Onion story!"

It's fiction about a delusion wrapped in a myth! My bullshit detector was set too low...

November 12, 2005 5:51 PM  

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