In Logan's Run, They Kill the Old People

...I'm Just Sayin'

Too Many Old Nuns!

from Sploid

The Catholic Church is facing a crisis not unlike the one threatening America's Social Security system: too many old folks. With more than half of nuns over age 70, the annual cost of caring for all these women will soon top $1 billion annually.

With tons of nuns approaching the retirement age of 75 and too few novices - young nuns - to support them, the future liabilities outstrip the funds available by $8.7 billion. That number is expected to reach $20 billion by 2023.

Things could've been a lot worse if the idea of squirreling oneself away in a nunnery hadn't fallen out of fashion. From 1965 to 2005, the nun population plummeted nearly 62%, from 179,954 to 68,634.

Making the problem even more dire is all the money the Church has spent covering up and atoning for the monstrous sexual appetites of their priests. Since 1950, the Church has doled out more than $1 billion to the victims of sexual abuse.

Just outside of Cincinnati, some are trying to lessen the sting of retired nun-dom the only way they know how: with ice cream. Dave and Ramona Banks recently hopped in their Mister Softee ice cream truck to visit the Sisters of the Good Shepherd's Pelletier Hall in Fort Thomas, Ohio, home to 18 retired nuns.

"You can see the kid in everyone's face," Ramona Banks said.

After spending their lives married to God, a visit from the ice cream man is as close to the satisfying rush of sex or drugs as these women - in their 80s and 90s - can hope to get.

The thrill of it is they are able to choose" what flavor ice cream they eat, Sister M. Elise said.

Other nuns aren't so lucky. Instead of visits from the ice cream man, they get visits from Dr. David Snowdon. Twenty years ago Snowdon launched his infamous "
Nun Study." He's been tracking the effects of aging on more than 700 nuns, trying to find clues to the mysteries of Alzheimer's disease.

Even after their deaths, Snowdon continues to study the nuns.

"When we die
our souls go to heaven, but our brains go to Kentucky," joke those who have agreed to serve as Snowdon's lab rats.

It's in Kentucky where Snowdon has amassed the world's largest collection of nun brains, more than 500.

Sadly, brain freeze and frozen brains won't be enough to care for the nuns unlucky enough to live into geriatric poverty.


Anonymous say no to christ said...

Oh, fuck the church and its old nuns! The church has more money than they know what to with!

August 30, 2006 4:32 PM  

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