The Devil Made Me Laugh!

The winning jokes from Ship of Fools' recent Most Offensive Religious Jokes contest, with my favorite five shamelessly reproduced:

Top 10 Funniest Religious Jokes

1. Man on a bridge

2. Whoever is without sin

Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.

To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."

Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.

Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, Mother, sometimes you really piss me off."

3. A problem in the convent

4. The four sinning nuns

5. The twelve priests

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally naked, while a beautiful, big-breasted nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis. They were told that anyone whose bell rang when the nude model danced in front of them would not be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.

Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell... Then all the other bells started to ring.

6. The desperate man on a train

7. Secrets of the confessional

8. Jesus at the Pearly Gates

9. The Trinity's holiday

10. The talking statue

Top 10 Most Offensive Religious Jokes

1. The girl on a cliff

A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying her eyes out.

A priest approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"

The little girl turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."

The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and says, "It's just not your day, is it?"

2. Following St Onan

3. Priest and pimple

4. Hitler at the Pearly Gates

5. What do you give...

6. Adventure trip for boys

A Catholic priest, a Boy Scout leader and a lawyer take some boys out on an adventure trip. On the flight over, there is engine trouble and the plane is about to go down.

"We have a problem", says the pilot. "There are only three parachutes!"

The Boy Scout leader suggests they give them to the boys.

"Screw the boys," shouts the lawyer.

"Is there time?" asks the priest.

7. Picture of Jesus

What's the difference between real Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

8. Jesus and the motel

9. A sign in the sky

10. Calling for Jesus


Blogger The 502 said...

You have a great blog. I'll be keeping an eye on it. It's unfortunate that I just found it. I looked through the jokes that were submitted and didn't find my favorite offensive religious joke:

Why could Jesus walk on water?

Because shit floats.

The 502

September 12, 2005 9:18 AM  
Blogger Darren said...


Straight to hell for that one.

(and thanks)

September 12, 2005 9:53 AM  
Blogger The 502 said...

I'll be able to handle hell, because all my friends will be there. As far as I can tell, heavan will be completely empty. I hear the house band is great!

(your welcome)

In Reason,
The 502

September 12, 2005 6:29 PM  
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