11.29.2006

Q: How Many Pollocks Does It Take To Open a Baptist Church?
A: God Willing, Just One

Christians Terrorize Polish Kid

from Wonkette

Michael Gromek, 19, is from Poland, a nation known world over for its godless hedonism and atheistic college students. So when Michael came to visit the US, the Good Lord placed him in the noble hands of a God-fearing Evangelical Christian couple in North Carolina, our second-holiest state.

Gromek, though, was not particularly grateful. So he bitched to Der Spiegel, favorite newspaper of German Marxists.
Things began to go wrong as soon as I arrived in my new home in Winston-Salem, where I was to spend my year abroad. For example, every Monday my host family would gather around the kitchen table to talk about sex. My host parents hadn't had sex for the last 17 years because — so they told me — they were devoting their lives to God. They also wanted to know whether I drank alcohol. I admitted that I liked beer and wine. They told me I had the devil in my heart.

Gromek's host family also forced him to attend church each Sunday at horrifically early hours, and forbid him coffee when he complained. They told him his mother was possessed by the devil, and fed him "lollipops."
They wanted me to help them set up a Fundamentalist Baptist church in my home country of Poland. It was God's will, they said. They tried to slip the topic casually into conversation, but it really shocked me — I realized that was the only reason they had welcomed me into their family. They had already started construction work in Krakow — I was to help them with translations and with spreading their faith via the media.

Michael refused, and, sadly, remains unsaved to this day. As soon as he got back to Poland, all he did was bitch to a newspaper about how backwards and crazy us Americans are.

Here's to you, whiny Polish kid! We'll get ya next time.
...and your little dog, too!

2 Comments:

Anonymous Panda Rosa said...

Hmmm, if this is in anyway true I grieve for this so-called "Christian" family. Poor kid, what happened is just wrong on so many levels, wouldn't Jesus say that these folks Got Some 'Splaining To Do?
Of course Poland is Heathen and Godless, considering how it's been so influenced by Nazi Germany and Stalin's Russia, and all they could manage was one little shipyard worker named Walesa and one Polish Pope?
Of course, Der Speigel is Marxist and unashamed of it, so I'm keeping my grain of salt at the ready. just in case.

November 29, 2006 10:46 PM  
Blogger Freudian Slip said...

That was one crazy story!
Matt

March 19, 2007 9:34 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home