9.25.2006

Tastes Like Chicken

Super Priest Can Turn Anything into Body, Blood of Christ

from The Onion

TAOS, NM — Father Thomas Mandow appears to be a simple, mild-mannered parish priest, but his remarkable faith and surpassing holiness have bestowed him with the awesome power to transform just about anything into the body and blood of Jesus Christ.

"I can state, without indulging myself in the sin of pride, that I have been blessed with the ability to convert anything into a Communion sacrament—which must be used for good—and then be partaken of in remembrance of our Lord and Savior," said Mandow in a press conference where he displayed a transubstantiated 24-piece bucket of chicken, a 64-oz. Mountain Dew bottle, and the September 2 issue of Sports Illustrated. "Although I would not advise eating all of these items for reasons having nothing to do with their intrinsic holiness."

Mandow believes he received the dangerous gift of super-consecration after being bitten by a radioactive bishop.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Panda Rosa said...

This could be a lot of fun if done right! Why stop at fried chicken, why not transubstatiate into the most holy barbecue ever?
Meanwhile, some one better keep an eye on that bishop--he may have morphed into a rook by now!

September 25, 2006 10:22 PM  

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