'We Don't Serve Your Kind'

Google Hates Religion!

from Sploid

The world's most powerful Internet company has a message for the billions of faithful people around the world: Go to Hell.

Google has launched an online-payment system it hopes will destroy the popular PayPal service owned by eBay. But instead of welcoming the world to the new product, Google executives have made the bizarre decision to ban people from using "Google Checkout" for religious goods.

Among the dozens of "unacceptable product categories" for websites using Google Checkout are literature, fine wines, photojournalism, CostCo memberships, gold jewelry and "goods regulated by government or other agency specifications," which covers almost every conceivable product -- from iPods to candy bars. But it's the strange anti-religious language that has heads shaking throughout the online business world.

Google Checkout bans the sale of "materials, goods or paraphernalia for use in satanic, sacrificial, or related practices."

Or, in other words: "No Christian products, thanks."

That's because the entire Christian faith is based on a single event: the human sacrifice of Jesus. Because of the tragic sacrifice, Christians are able to escape the fate of humanity - which is to rot in Hell for eternity.

The Holy Bible, which is already banned by Google Checkout because it contains literature with sexual content and unsubstantiated cures, is doubly banned by its multiple stories of the ultimate sacrifice Jesus Christ made just because his dad, God, so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son in order to save a fraction of the world's population from being burned forever in Hell by the devil, Satan.

For Catholics, the ritual of sacrificial communion with Jesus is non-negotiable - and that ritual involves no less than the magical transformation of crackers and wine into the literal human flesh and blood of the crucified, sacrificed savior...within the Catholic's own mouth.

(Experts in the Jewish religion point out that the Old Testament is also banned by Google Checkout, as it not only contains hundreds of gruesome descriptions of rape, murder and sacrifice, but features Satan himself as a main character in major biblical stories such as Genesis and the Book of Job.)

The entertainment industry is also spooked by the Google ban, which covers everything from Mel Gibson's blockbuster Jesus movie, "The Passion of the Christ," to dozens of episodes of the wildly popular "South Park" cartoon. Thousands of CDs by the Rolling Stones, Dave Matthews, the Grateful Dead, Chris Isaak, Motley Crue, Van Morrison, the Beatles, Beck, Billie Holiday and hundreds of "Christian Rock" groups are also banned by Google's wide-ranging prohibition of all things religious. Christian music is almost exclusively about the human sacrifice of Jesus and how that saves Christians from eternal torture by Satan!

The religious ban originally covered many more faiths, as the Guardian reported on Tuesday.

"But what's this in the Terms & Conditions? Users are also prohibited from using Checkout to sell Occult goods."

While the Guardian reporter found the exclusionary practice amusing, a commenter saw the policy for what it truly was: a modern-day witch hunt to arbitrarily ban any religious group from using the Google payment method.

"By 'related practices,' I hope you're not including Pagan practices because you will lose quite a few customers that way," wrote Raven Trinity Moon in a comment directed at Google.

"Are you still selling crucifixes, Stars of David or any other kind of religious material? If so, you are very hypocritical and will probably lose more than a few customers."

Occult, after all, is simply the defamatory label the Christian and Catholic establishment has long stuck on older religions -- for the express purpose of slandering beloved religions practiced by billions of people.

According to Christians, every other religion is false (including Judaism, weirdly enough). And every "false" faith is satanic by definition.

Today, the "occult" reference has conveniently vanished from Google Checkout's "Terms and Conditions." But the harsh prohibition of Christian items is sure to anger America's religious right, who seem to be taking it from all sides these days.