Because We All Know How Soccer Soothes the Savage European...

Gays v. Arabs, Winner Takes Holland

from Sploid

Homosexuals and Muslims in the Netherlands have been at each others’ throats since the assassination of a gay anti-immigration politician in the Netherlands.

Dutch officials have now decided the two factions should settle it on the soccer field.

The tournament will "help ease these tensions so that people can openly talk about homosexuality," according to tournament organizer Suzanne Ijsselmuiden.

The ludicrous idea was hatched following a poll showing a large portion of the gay population suffered verbal and/or physical abuse by Moroccan and Turkish youths.

"Parts of the Muslim community still resist homosexuality and receive little education about it,” said Frits Vlek of the Police Research Academy, which commissioned the survey.

A soccer match is the worst possible choice for making peace in Europe. Normally-docile Europeans go absolutely insane after what they call a "football" game.

Pim Fortuyn, a tough anti-immigration politician, was shot dead on May 6, 2002. Before his death, Fortuyn was becoming as popular as he was controversial. Some saw the openly-gay politician as the next prime minister.

Dutch-Muslim tensions just got worse Wednesday with the introduction of a new video all new immigrants must watch before becoming Dutch citizens. What's got some upset is that it includes scenes of same-sex couples making out.

"The film is meant for people not yet in Holland to take note that this is normal here and not be shocked and awed by it once they arrive," said Ayaan Hirsi Ali, a Somali-born member of the Dutch Parliament.

Nonetheless, people are upset.

"This isn't education, it's provocation," Abdou Menebhi, chairman of Emcemo, a Moroccan interest group in Amsterdam said. "The new law has one goal: to stop the flow of immigrants, especially by Muslims from countries like Morocco and Turkey.