8.23.2005

Hadji's Helpful Hindu Hint #31: Burning Brides a Real Treat, S'More or Less


'Honey, how are those hot dogs coming? What?! By the many arms of Vishnu, I cannot understand you when you shriek like that! Oh, and grab some Jiffy Pop on your way down, you worthless dog.'

Calcutta Fire Marshal: Many Indian Homes Lack Bride Extinguisher

from The Onion

CALCUTTA, INDIA — Failure to own or use a bride extinguisher results in millions of rupees of property damage in India annually, Calcutta fire marshal Prasad Chandra said in a press conference Monday.

"This tragedy occurs far too often when well-meaning husbands, attempting to collect on a dowry, ignite their brides indoors. The damage is often compounded when a burning bride attempts to escape and spreads the flames to other homes," Chandra said. "If you absolutely must burn your bride, avoid additional destruction with an affordable bride extinguisher. And, if possible, confine the burning to your backyard bride pit."

He also recommended that homeowners install and periodically test marital smoke detectors.

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