10.26.2005

The Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse: Ashlee Simpson
(And Don't Look All Surprised!)

Ashlee Simpson No. 1: Evidence of World Ending

from Fox News

Nostradamus is guesting on TRL this week.

Ashlee Simpson, the terminally untalented and annoying sister of pop star Jessica Simpson, has the No. 1 album this week with the aptly titled, I Am Me.

Simpson, famous for lip-synching on Saturday Night Live, is outselling multiple Grammy-winner and legend Stevie Wonder two-to-one, despite positive reviews for his new album, A Time 2 Love.

This is proof, I feel, that the Earth is about to experience some terrible event worse than the Indonesian tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, or the Kashmir earthquake.

Simpson sold about 150,000 copies of her wretched excuse of a recording in its debut week, despite countless government warnings and threats from alien spaceships.

Is there a God? This is a question we now must ask ourselves. Hopefully, he/she is on the Grammy committee, and all the artists below Ashlee on the chart will be avenged come February.

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